


No Turning Back

by Jemppu



Series: Months [20]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Art, Culmets - Freeform, Fanart, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, honey mushroom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:47:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23822572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemppu/pseuds/Jemppu
Summary: Part of"Honey Mushroom"series of illustrated Culmets momentslisted here on tumblr, and of"Months"moments, taking place before the couple's ultimate Discovery mission.Direct continuation to "Earthbound". A supplement.With illustration:"On the First Day"
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Series: Months [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1082124
Kudos: 11





	No Turning Back

**Author's Note:**

> The series gets released quite out of order, as inspiration dictates, so I urge you to check out the [series list on tumblr](https://tinyurl.com/honeyshroom) for a better picture of the whole.

## 

## Months: No Turning Back 

  
Paul keeps staring out of the taxi window, seemingly observing the vast oceanfront opening up outside, but really he’s not currently seeing anything, just staring blindly into the distance, while lost in his thoughts.

This air surrounding the couple right now is filled with a whole different kind of silence from their usual comfortable moments of calm together. There’s tension of unanswered questions, which neither of them seem willing to address.  
  
The question of housing feels almost relieving in Paul’s mind now: a concrete, practical problem to solve, amongst all this pesky emotional turmoil. A resulting thought however, makes him huff out quietly.  
  
Hugh then suggests exactly what Paul was just derisively huffing at. Him, staying at a Starfleet housing complex, with crowds of rowdy service personnel? Does the doctor really see an option for him there?  
  
Back in the moment, Paul can sense Hugh’s eyes behind on him, but doesn’t care to turn to answer the gaze. Instead he takes in the ocean view he’s only just noticing. This is some gorgeous scenery they’re driving past right now. Maybe he should make it a priority to have his rented place be by the beach.  
  
From the faint reflection on the tinted glass, he can see Hugh’s gaze turn away, and Paul finally dares to turn to look at the man, without fear of initiating further conversation.  
  
The doctor always seemed cut for the Fleet. Both literally - Paul’s well aware how well the uniform sits on that frame -, and figuratively: Hugh’s mentality matches the group oriented approach of the organization - he’s a team spirited, socially active persona.  
  
Unlike Paul himself. He had trouble even suffering through all of the tedious personnel introductions during his tour of the ship today. Rather unnecessary too in his opinion: unfamiliar names and faces, how many of them do they expect he’ll remember?  
  
The Captain, this figure _“Lorca”_ , had voiced out something during their brief meeting, which had struck Paul to the core: the senior officer had almost as if given the “reluctant enlistee” the chance to “un-enlist”. Likely just to try and ruffle up the rookie Lieutenant a bit, but damn, if that hadn’t done just so - hit Paul right where it mattered.  
  
Joke or not, Paul had seriously thought about it after that. All through the inspection tour across the ship’s departments, structural sites and the occasional meetings with the personnel.  
  
Was this ship, or this role, really where he belonged? Was this even his jurisdiction anymore, or of his interests - starship engineering? Was this really where he’d rather be, than with his own darling officer?  
  
All these doubts he had nurtured up until he had been freed to go inspect his own quarters and had been faced with that greatest of surprises there.  
  
‘The surprise’, who now sits smiling to himself ever so radiantly on the seat next to Paul, looking particularly fetching in this stripped down, casually sleeveless uniform ensemble he has going on for the hot Earth day afternoon.  
  
Upon being greeted by Hugh there aboard the ship and receiving the doctor’s news of joining the Discovery crew, all doubts about whether or not taking on this expedition would be the wise move had flown out of the window.  
  
There was no more questions left then, whether he’d go through with it. This was it, the only way left to go: this would be how they’d finally be able to live together. The man had left behind all he had and rushed to be by Paul’s side.  
  
There truly was no turning back after that, was there. Is there?  
  
And now Paul finds himself with this nagging question lingering in his mind: would he have opted out in the last minute after all, had Hugh not have been there? If he wasn’t here right now? Would Paul really dare to fly off, leaving his Dear Doctor behind? Would he have? He would never know now, would he? It seems that’s another decision out of his hands now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts on the work posted along with the illustration on [**tumblr**](https://jmalkki.tumblr.com/post/177629762409/denevian-sunrise-what-is-this-now-not-a-single).
> 
> _Likes, shares, comments and what have you, all appreciated on:_  
>  _[ **tumblr**](http://jmalkki.tumblr.com/) | [**twitter**](https://twitter.com/Jemppu) | [**instagram**](https://www.instagram.com/jeminamalkki/) | [**DeviantArt**](https://www.deviantart.com/jemppu)_


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